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Saturday, October 17, 2009

Fourth Step Prayer | 天帝 , 防止 我が 鬱憤 | Deus , Servo Mihi ex Res Iratus

To Err is Human...

...to Forgive Divine.

'It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. To the precise extent that we permit these, do we squander the hours that might have been worth while. But with the alcoholic, whose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely grave. We found that it is fatal. For when harboring such feelings we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit. The insanity of alcohol returns and we drink again. And with us, to drink is to die.

If we were to live, we had to be free of anger. The grouch and the brainstorm were not for us. They may be the dubious luxury of normal men, but for alcoholics these things are poison.

We turned back to the list, for it held the key to the future. We were prepared to look at it from an entirely different angle. We began to see that the world and its people really dominated us. In that state, the wrong-doing of others, fancied or real, had power to actually kill. How could we escape? We saw that these resentments must be mastered, but how? We could not wish them away any more than alcohol.

This was our course: We realized that the people who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick.Though we did not like their symptoms and the way these disturbed us, they, like ourselves, were sick too. We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend. When a person offended we said to ourselves,

(Fourth Step Prayer)
"This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done."

We avoid retaliation or argument. We wouldn't treat sick people that way. If we do, we destroy our chance of being helpful. We cannot be helpful to all people, but at least God will show us how to take a kindly and tolerant view of each and every one.

Referring to our list again. Putting out of our minds the wrongs others had done, we resolutely looked for our own mistakes. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, self-seeking and frightened? Though a situation had not been entirely our fault, we tried to disregard the other person involved entirely. Where were we to blame? The inventory was ours, not the other man's. When we saw our faults we listed them. We placed them before us in black and white. We admitted our wrongs honestly and were willing to set these matters straight'.

-Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 66

|...day 79/90 and the best is yet to come.  My sponsor has me inventory again - which means from now till I go back home for Thanksgiving the focus is on my favorite subject - me.  I've got about a dozen guys in inventory right now, but probably nobody needs it more than me.  The beauty of the Fourth Step Prayer is that it truly is the back door to God's grace - think about it - when Bill says 'fancied or real, what he does is give us license to even consider for a moment that we have a part on our resentments, which we always do.  This is my fourth thorough housecleaning and I am already shocked at what I see.  The power of black and white is undeniable.  I look forward to sharing it with him in step five.

On a high note, I've come to realize that we only really have three prayers in our Book - 3, 4 and 7 - and not one of them asks God for sobriety.  Our prayers all ask God to take the unattractiveness out of us so we're attractive enough to another sick and suffering alcoholic who just may need our help.

Knowing the program extremely well and being and extremely good carrier of this Message are two distinct and different things.  In this area I fall short daily in thought, word and deed.  However, being a devoted archer, I keep my sights high, and every once in a while I hit my mark.

Blissfully, the seventh step prayer comforts me in that whatever is left in my that others may find unattractive is serving a good purpose in God's world.  Ego, while terribly destructive, can in healthy doses enable incredibly lofty goals to be met - the moon shot was perhaps the biggest ego trip in history, yet our world is forever changed by it.

One things is certain - I've got eleven days left in that room and the good news is I am the only person who's behavior I need to concern myself with.

God bless us all, every one.

COG, 1st Cl.

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Welcome as a witness to a fools journey out of the darkness. I welcome all tidings - you are all my teachers on this path toward a meaningful and purposeful sobriety.

COG, 1st Cl.