...'A CANDLE LOSES NOTHING...
'BY LIGHTING ANOTHER CANDLE...".
-Anonymous
-Anonymous
|…This week was spent in Pattaya, Thailand on a much needed vacation of Thai food, three hour massages and wonderful local AA meetings (thank you!). Lord knows I worked for it, and I was long overdue for a rest. Nothing, however, prepared me for what I found here.
As great as this town is for relaxing, I must confess that I feel like the only man in town who didn’t fly 5,000 miles for a bargain basement hand job. Not that I’m being judgmental, mind you… I am simply observing and reporting the facts.
Insofar as the twelve steps make me recoil as if from a hot flame from a drink, they in a similar fashion make me recoil from casual sex, for there is no such thing as casual sex for the emancipated soul. After I had my spiritual awakening years ago however I now find myself recoiling farther still from prostitution of any kind, for sex without love is emotional tyranny.
As a matter of fact, two of my former bosses are now going to jail for specifically this thing when we travelled abroad years ago. When I trudged off each night to my AA meetings the rest of the gang laughed at me for being ‘square’ not indulging. Who’s laughing now? I once read somewhere that ‘the wages of sin are death’. This is exactly what was being referenced.
It is my experience that in AA water seeks it level. Wife beaters tend to hang out with wife beaters, gambles with the gamblers, and the like. Sadly – more than a few men tried to hook me up with a local girl who ‘could use a few buck’s’ this week. Men I can only guess haven’t had the benefit of the 9th step experience I’ve been fortunate to have. The real truth lie in the deep sadness in the back of their eyes telegraphing to me was what they really sought was my acceptance of their place in the long line of tyranny; this I cannot abide, and will not participate in, for an easy conscious and a clear soul is worth more to me than a roll in the hay.
Thailand, especially Pattaya City, is a heady mix of contradictions. There are gloriously beautiful young ladies painted for the night under bright lights, and dirty, abandoned children huddled beneath the stages. Deep, nearly reverent piety for the King and Queen, yet an almost callous disregard for the common man. An eerie reverence for the early morning monk’s collecting alms, yet disdain for the sick, downtrodden and elderly. A deep respect for the each other, yet such seeming careless disdain for the sanctity of one’s body.
Now, it’s time for me to get off my soapbox and rat on myself, for I am a sinner, too, and must now confess. After each early meeting I’ve been trundling off to the local sauna, where specially trained blind men and women massage you for roughly $4 US per hour, or 1/20th of what I pay back home. Good deal, right? For me, yes. Not so much for them.
This week I became quite enamored with a thirty-something masseuse (No – not that way!!!). Blind since birth, she’s learned her trade well and has a perpetual smile on her face and many happy clients. We’ve made light conversation all week and since today was my last day, I decided to probe a little and ask her about her life; her English is fair but not great, and this took some doing, but here is what I found out…
Her two children are 1,000 miles away because the place she works will not allow them in the compound; the youngest is seven and is very proud of his mommy. Her husband left her to find a job outside the village after her second child was born and hasn’t been heard from since.
She worked on me three straight hours today (I realized) because she is used to it; she works 14 hours a day, every day, week after week, for six months at a time. For vacation her bosses ships in her kids for two or three days every six months, then that are shipped back to her village again. If she stops working, the village will stop taking care of her kids.
Asking her why she didn’t get a job closer to her house, I found out the only job available to a girl like here was – you guessed it; selling her body. What really did me in though was that I found out afterward by speaking to locals is that she is involved in a kind of indentured servitude; her wages are so low, the housing and food prices charged by her boss are so high, that every day she works she get’s deeper in debt. She deeply wishes to communicate with her kids but has no way of doing so – nobody will dictate her letters and the computer for the community she works in is broken. That computer requires a special program for the blind that makes the screen readable – a program, oddly enough, that I helped code 15 years ago and have unlimited access rights to. I also have been building my own computers for pennies on the dollars for 15 years also.
Anyone see the hand of God yet?
I am reminded of a story I once heard about a little boy walking on a beach with his older brother who happened upon a whole horde – 1000’s – of washed up and dyeing starfish. On a whim, the little boy picked up of the starfish and tossed it back into the surf. Amused, the older brother laughed at his younger brother and chortled: ‘You fool! There are so many starfish dyeing on this beach! How can you possibly expect to make a difference? The boy paused, thought about this for a moment, pointed at the surf and said:” Well – I made a difference for that one”! Stunned by the magnitude of that statement, the brothers began furiously throwing armfuls of starfish back into the ocean till well after dark.
Where would I be today if somebody in AA hadn’t picked me up and thrown me back into the proverbial surf? I know now what must be done.
I n the next few weeks computers shall arrive at a certain Sauna and Massage center in Pattaya, Thailand. These computers shall be replete with special screen reading software, in English and Thai, for the dozens of masseuses who may want to use these computers to speak to the families, read a book, write a letter, or any of the 1000’s of things I cannot even imagine may be in their hearts.
I am under no illusion that I am a big shot or philanthropist, but I do know this: I work the 11th step in my life, and that 11th step gives me the occasional thought, hunch or inspiration, and my inspiration today is this: very shortly, the blind of Pattaya shall see, if only because the God of my understanding, a God who loves me and has no taste, saw fit to throw me back into the surf, and had the mercy today to put love in my heart, coupled with knowledge of his will for me and the power to carry that out. I may not make much of a difference in this life, but just for today I know this: for the blind of Pattaya I can make a difference , however small and brief, and for this I am eternally grateful.
Pattaya City, Thailand. 11 September, 2011
COG, 1st Cl. |
As great as this town is for relaxing, I must confess that I feel like the only man in town who didn’t fly 5,000 miles for a bargain basement hand job. Not that I’m being judgmental, mind you… I am simply observing and reporting the facts.
Insofar as the twelve steps make me recoil as if from a hot flame from a drink, they in a similar fashion make me recoil from casual sex, for there is no such thing as casual sex for the emancipated soul. After I had my spiritual awakening years ago however I now find myself recoiling farther still from prostitution of any kind, for sex without love is emotional tyranny.
As a matter of fact, two of my former bosses are now going to jail for specifically this thing when we travelled abroad years ago. When I trudged off each night to my AA meetings the rest of the gang laughed at me for being ‘square’ not indulging. Who’s laughing now? I once read somewhere that ‘the wages of sin are death’. This is exactly what was being referenced.
It is my experience that in AA water seeks it level. Wife beaters tend to hang out with wife beaters, gambles with the gamblers, and the like. Sadly – more than a few men tried to hook me up with a local girl who ‘could use a few buck’s’ this week. Men I can only guess haven’t had the benefit of the 9th step experience I’ve been fortunate to have. The real truth lie in the deep sadness in the back of their eyes telegraphing to me was what they really sought was my acceptance of their place in the long line of tyranny; this I cannot abide, and will not participate in, for an easy conscious and a clear soul is worth more to me than a roll in the hay.
Thailand, especially Pattaya City, is a heady mix of contradictions. There are gloriously beautiful young ladies painted for the night under bright lights, and dirty, abandoned children huddled beneath the stages. Deep, nearly reverent piety for the King and Queen, yet an almost callous disregard for the common man. An eerie reverence for the early morning monk’s collecting alms, yet disdain for the sick, downtrodden and elderly. A deep respect for the each other, yet such seeming careless disdain for the sanctity of one’s body.
Now, it’s time for me to get off my soapbox and rat on myself, for I am a sinner, too, and must now confess. After each early meeting I’ve been trundling off to the local sauna, where specially trained blind men and women massage you for roughly $4 US per hour, or 1/20th of what I pay back home. Good deal, right? For me, yes. Not so much for them.
This week I became quite enamored with a thirty-something masseuse (No – not that way!!!). Blind since birth, she’s learned her trade well and has a perpetual smile on her face and many happy clients. We’ve made light conversation all week and since today was my last day, I decided to probe a little and ask her about her life; her English is fair but not great, and this took some doing, but here is what I found out…
Her two children are 1,000 miles away because the place she works will not allow them in the compound; the youngest is seven and is very proud of his mommy. Her husband left her to find a job outside the village after her second child was born and hasn’t been heard from since.
She worked on me three straight hours today (I realized) because she is used to it; she works 14 hours a day, every day, week after week, for six months at a time. For vacation her bosses ships in her kids for two or three days every six months, then that are shipped back to her village again. If she stops working, the village will stop taking care of her kids.
Asking her why she didn’t get a job closer to her house, I found out the only job available to a girl like here was – you guessed it; selling her body. What really did me in though was that I found out afterward by speaking to locals is that she is involved in a kind of indentured servitude; her wages are so low, the housing and food prices charged by her boss are so high, that every day she works she get’s deeper in debt. She deeply wishes to communicate with her kids but has no way of doing so – nobody will dictate her letters and the computer for the community she works in is broken. That computer requires a special program for the blind that makes the screen readable – a program, oddly enough, that I helped code 15 years ago and have unlimited access rights to. I also have been building my own computers for pennies on the dollars for 15 years also.
Anyone see the hand of God yet?
I am reminded of a story I once heard about a little boy walking on a beach with his older brother who happened upon a whole horde – 1000’s – of washed up and dyeing starfish. On a whim, the little boy picked up of the starfish and tossed it back into the surf. Amused, the older brother laughed at his younger brother and chortled: ‘You fool! There are so many starfish dyeing on this beach! How can you possibly expect to make a difference? The boy paused, thought about this for a moment, pointed at the surf and said:” Well – I made a difference for that one”! Stunned by the magnitude of that statement, the brothers began furiously throwing armfuls of starfish back into the ocean till well after dark.
Where would I be today if somebody in AA hadn’t picked me up and thrown me back into the proverbial surf? I know now what must be done.
I n the next few weeks computers shall arrive at a certain Sauna and Massage center in Pattaya, Thailand. These computers shall be replete with special screen reading software, in English and Thai, for the dozens of masseuses who may want to use these computers to speak to the families, read a book, write a letter, or any of the 1000’s of things I cannot even imagine may be in their hearts.
I am under no illusion that I am a big shot or philanthropist, but I do know this: I work the 11th step in my life, and that 11th step gives me the occasional thought, hunch or inspiration, and my inspiration today is this: very shortly, the blind of Pattaya shall see, if only because the God of my understanding, a God who loves me and has no taste, saw fit to throw me back into the surf, and had the mercy today to put love in my heart, coupled with knowledge of his will for me and the power to carry that out. I may not make much of a difference in this life, but just for today I know this: for the blind of Pattaya I can make a difference , however small and brief, and for this I am eternally grateful.
Pattaya City, Thailand. 11 September, 2011
COG, 1st Cl. |
Posts
Thank you for this. "Service gladly rendered, obligations squarely met, troubles well accepted or solved with God’s help, the knowledge that at home or in the world outside we are partners in a common effort, the well-understood fact that in God’s sight all human beings are important, the proof that love freely given surely brings a full return, the certainty that we are no longer isolated and alone in self-constructed prisons, the surety that we need no longer be square pegs in round holes but can fit and belong in God’s scheme of things--these are the permanent and legitimate satisfactions of right living for which no amount of pomp and circumstance, no heap of material possessions, could possibly be substitutes." (Bill W. - The "12x12")
ReplyDeleteYou are Gods miracle- be true to yourself and stay safe on your journey. God's got your back.
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ReplyDeleteWhen you originally posted this, it had quite an impact on me and I've thought about it a number of times since. I recently decided to reread it, but I hadn't yet, so I'm glad you reposted. It's encouraging and consoling that my higher power has allowed me to again cross paths with a person who is like-minded and who only wants to do God's will. It's all I've ever really wanted, to do his will and to lead others to him. How I prayed and studied and taught for years driven by that desire, but in my disease, I failed and failed and failed again. It's all grace; these new eyes, this new heart, and this new, driving purpose. What an amazing, beautiful, humbling life.
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