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Saturday, March 5, 2011

Light a Candle Rather than Curse the Darkness | このキャンドルは別の、照明シャル | Melior elucido a Candela quam imprecor Obscurum




"...Why Shouldn't We Laugh?  We Have Recovered, and Been Given the Power to Help Others".

-Alcoholics Anonymous, P. 132

|…there are no provisions for failure in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, or so says my beloved sponsor.

  He has also gone on many times to remind that there are only two basic plans of action in our Book;  Plan A, which is humble servitude to a Power I'll never understand via loving service to my fellows (ALL OF THEM).  And of course, there's Plan B:  helping drunks only when I fall short in thought, word and deed in Plan A (more often than I care to admit).  In other words:  maximum action in the service of God and AA versus the bare minimum to stay away from a drink.  I'm an expert at both, and ashamedly more so on Plan B.

  My beloved Lieutenant has gone on to teach me that if my God were big enough for me to understand, He's probably too small to help me.  This I now get, too, for these days I am less interested in understanding God than in serving Him.  And lately, lately! I get that the only way I get to serve God, is to serve you;  all of you.  Especially those of you I do not like, for you are my best teachers.

  Several years ago I was very sick physically but in a rare good spot spiritually.  One manifestation of this very real and degenerating physical illness was that for the first time in my life not only couldn't I sleep, but I could not stay awake.  Ever.  This torturous state lasted more than a few years and at it's very worst point, I had no sponsee's.  None. Not because I didn't want any;  I couldn't have any, for every spare moment I had away from the job was spent sleeping off the very caustic medication I was taking.

  It was at the very height of my suffering that I asked God to take my life if living meant I could not sponsor others, as I had finally learned that the only real joy in life is service;  and if I could not serve, I simply did not want to live.  At the time I just thought that I was addicted to AA service;  today I get what sponsorship - true, by God, from the Book and through the steps, on-fire with the love of God AA sponsorship really is:  the gateway to all that is Holy.  My connection to God.

  However you wish to call it, I learned what I have come to now understand is the most important, basic and fundamental truth of all, a sort of spiritual 'grand unifying theory', if you would, and that is this:  I can judge how far away I am from God by how far away I am from my brother;  and I am never so close to my brother as when we bare our souls to each other in step work. 

  Not coincidentally, very shortly after I cried out to God to allow me to help my brother or take me Home did he put a doctor in my life who would relive my suffering.  Immediately thereafter my life was once again filled with newcomers, followed immediately with joy, prosperity, and spiritual, physical and material well being.

  My simple truth is this:  God has revealed Herself to Me, and I cannot keep it to myself;  it hurts too much to keep that much light inside me and not share.  Lack of Power is no longer my dilema;  knowing how and where to use it is, which brings us to step 11 (another topic for another time).

  I am among all men most richly blessed, and if you are new or just coming back to AA, I wish my God on you, for She has "rocketed me into the fourth dimension, and I have found much of heaven on earth".

  And so it goes.

  Tokyo, Japan.  5 Mar 2011.

  COG, 1st Cl.  |

1 comment:

  1. Well done, COG, well done indeed. It appears you finally get it.


Welcome as a witness to a fools journey out of the darkness. I welcome all tidings - you are all my teachers on this path toward a meaningful and purposeful sobriety.

COG, 1st Cl.