Vocatus Atque non Vocatus Deus Aderit | Deo Duce, Ferro Comitante | Vox Populi, Vox Dei

The World Needs Less Junior Therapists and More Spiritual Mentors
Life is not Relative – There Are Absolute Rights, and Absolute Wrongs

Saturday, February 26, 2011

The Great Thaw | グレート雪解け | Valde Egelidus


"I SOUGHT MY SOUL, BUT MY SOUL I COULD NOT SEE;
I SOUGHT MY GOD, BUT MY GOD ELUDED ME..."




...I SOUGHT MY BROTHER, AND I FOUND ALL THREE".

-Anonymous

"Moreover, I Will Give You a New Heart and Put a New Spirit Within You, and I Will Remove the Heart of Stone from Your Flesh, and Give You a Heart of Flesh".

-Ezekiel, 36:46

|…It’s been too long, friends. It is time to start writing again.

  This blog has served as many things to me since I first started it. At first, it was my vainglorious attempt to show all of you my deeply seated feelings of moral, spiritual and intellectual superiority (yes, I do realize how sick this was). I’ve used it as an AA bully pulpit, forcing my views on how the program of AA should be worked (sicker, still). In short, I’ve used it for many reasons, but what I really did not know at the time I wrote each piece was what this blog has really served as: my vehicle for awakening. No, I am not awake yet, that much is certain. But it has started; that I am certain of. And as with all spiritual awakenings, it was bore out of suffering.

  I’ve come to believe that suffering and hardship is a much underrated experience. My truth is that all my blessings in life are borne out of suffering. Once a priest told me that a blessing was “…anything that pushed dragged of pulled me kicking and screaming into becoming the man God intended to be”.

  Crying has never come easy to me, yet these last few days it’s all I can seem to do. No tragedy, disgrace or disappointment has ever made me cry – really. You have to have emotions to cry. I’m 48 years old and I am as emotional as an aggrieved grandmother. But it hasn’t always been that way; something died inside of my years ago that no amount of drugs, alcohol or even the twelve steps of AA could seem to penetrate.

  Yet, yet! a few short months ago I have been transformed by a mind blowing and earth shattering series of events that have taken this wretch from despondency to the joyous blubbering only those who have been delivered can fathom. In short – I weep, for I have been blessed beyond my capacity to receive.

  This journey started just over two years ago when two white light experiences interrupted my trip to Thailand and dropped me on my head, dazed and confused in Tokyo. Tokyo, a city I never intended to visit, changed my life; and I like to think I made some small impression on those I met. Today, my journey finds me back in Tokyo, to say goodbye, I think. I have been given a new attitude and outlook upon life, and it began at the feet of the blessed Virgin in of all places, New Jersey, in September of 2008.

  It is to Tokyo I have returned, and somehow I feel this trip will help me put into words that which has not words – just for today.

  And so it goes.

  Tokyo, Japan.  27 Feb 2011.

  COG, 1st Cl.  |

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Welcome as a witness to a fools journey out of the darkness. I welcome all tidings - you are all my teachers on this path toward a meaningful and purposeful sobriety.

COG, 1st Cl.