"The ONLY THING that Alcoholics Anonymous Can Promise Us...
...is that If We Don't Pick Up the First Drink, We Can't Get Drunk."
"...I know I must get along without liquor, but how can I? Have you a sufficient substitute?
Yes, there is a substitute and it is vastly more than that. It is a fellowship in Alcoholics Anonymous. There you will find release from care, boredom and worry. Your imagination will be fired. Life will mean something at last. The most satisfactory years of your existence lie ahead. Thus we find the fellowship, and so will you".
-Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 152
|...for years my spirit was amputated by bloviation from the occasional one-step clubhouse podium that simply 'not picking up the first drink' is all that is required for victory over alcoholism. That filled me with great despair, such a sense of dread and hopelessness, such a feeling of futility. Can that be all there is to this thing? Is that all AA can promise me? Not drinking - that's it? What about the noise in my head? What about my two closest companions, madness and mayhem? Will they ever go away? What about the 'Four Hideous Horsemen' - Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration & Despair?
What about the fact that I had no education, enormous debt, unpaid taxes, no job, no home, no friends, no prospects, a long trail of twisted lives, frustrated ex-employers and - oh by the way - no personality, character or integrity whatsoever?
What about the fact that I had no education, enormous debt, unpaid taxes, no job, no home, no friends, no prospects, a long trail of twisted lives, frustrated ex-employers and - oh by the way - no personality, character or integrity whatsoever?
In other words - WHAT DO I DO ABOUT MY ALCOHOLISM? The God's honest truth is that if all I need to do is stop drinking, then I don't suffer from alcoholism, and making meetings would be enough.
Unfortunately, I do suffer from alcoholism, which means I have a serious spiritual malady which requires a serious spiritual solution. The moment I put the drink down, my condition worsens, and if I don't drink, my spiritual condition eventually lead me to either drink, go insane or kill myself. Ever wonder why AA has such an exorbitantly high suicide rate? You can stop wondering now.
This is why I no longer get angry when I hear people tell newcomers that the steps are not necessary - they don't have what I have, so why should they do what I do? That is one huge reason why signing court cards breaks so many traditions - when people are told they are alcoholic by a judge, some tend to believe it (signing court cards is also a violation of our First Amendment rights in the US, but I wouldn't want to offend anyone by being rational).
After all these years, the only reason I keep coming back is to give back what has been so freely given to me, so I don't have to drink and die. All I know is what happened to me - God and the steps.The truth is that if I could have done less, I would have. But I have to do it all the way, all the time, or I will die. Not a saint by any means I do not do it perfectly, but like the fabled archer, I keep aiming for the high mark.
Do I occasionally miss the mark and sometimes hit a self proclaimed old-timer that may belong in another fellowship in the head? Sometimes - but God above knows I am working on this, with his help. However, the seventh step is pretty clear on this - since I give God my all every morning in the seventh step prayer, whatever is left that is not to somebody else's liking is - well, their problem. My job is not to judge the room - I simply hold up the mirror; and while the view is not always pretty, the truth does set us free. The smoke in the mirror is not my own.
No, 'physical sobriety' was never enough, is never enough, can never be enough, for I suffer from alcoholism, not a drinking problem. I require the only treatment that has worked for this alcoholic - God and the steps as described in the first 164 pages of our book. The good news is there are hundreds and hundreds of promises of all the good things than can happen to you if you take the treatment for alcoholism; unfortunately, there are also promises of what is going to happen to you if you have alcoholism and don't take the treatment.
God bless us all, every one. Homework tonight, more homework tomorrow, so no meeting till Friday. How cool is that? It seems that there is more to life than AA after all!
9 meetings left in that clubhouse, then I must bid them 'adieu' - they have helped me up and out of the mire of untreated alcoholism, but I shall die there. Though I go to give, if I stay there I shall degrade into a low state of untreated alcoholism. Not drinking does not do it for me - I need a message of depth and weight or I shall die.
Get busy living, or get busy dying.
COG, 1st Cl.|
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Welcome as a witness to a fools journey out of the darkness. I welcome all tidings - you are all my teachers on this path toward a meaningful and purposeful sobriety.
COG, 1st Cl.