'...DEEP DOWN IN EVERY MAN, WOMAN AND CHILD IS THE FUNDAMENTAL IDEA OF GOD'...
...'IT MAY BE OBSCURED BY CALAMITY, BY POMP, BY WORSHIP OF OTHER THINGS, BUT IN SOME FORM OR OTHER IT IS THERE'.
-Alcoholics Anonymous, p55
-Alcoholics Anonymous, p55
Funny – just when I thought my scorecards read zero I seem to be the richest I’ve ever been in my entire life. My whole world came crashing down on my head this Sunday, and when I caught my breath I realized that every single friend and family member I turned to for help –was there. Completely, unequivocally, absolutely, unabashedly, and positively there – for me. I, who have learned to trust no one and depend on only him – not even God at this point – had friends and resources I had never dreamed of.
Sure enough, it is by the miracle of our ninth step and the actions God has guided me through in the formative years of sobriety that made me worthy of such love, trust and friendship. When my world was crashing on the rocks of reality, deep down inside that place where nobody but me and God can see I realized that all my suffering is for some greater purpose, that I am going to be well and truly OK, that most of my problems are caused by my own hand, and that God and the Universe loves me –and all of us – because you, God, me and the Universe are all one. I know this as sure as I know the earth is firm and that gravity will take me out every time.
How do I know this? Because I’ve found the ‘Great Reality’ – whom I’ve come to know as God – in the last house on the block, the last room in the house, under the last place I looked – I found her – and she loves me very, very much. Like the song goes: “…I once, was lost, but now I’m found – was blind, but now can see”…
I have not been the best example of our Book that I can be – that much is certain. And a great deal of growth and suffering are ahead of me; these are the bad times, and I suspect they are about to get worse. So, I shall do what I did when I first came here over 18 years ago – surrender, and fall into the arms of AA. What else can I do? AA is all there is for me.
Speaking of which – that clubhouse I smeared so hideously and so thoroughly for so long? Not only have I not been judged, but I have been welcomed, loved, well accepted and even encouraged. I am so grateful to that clubhouse, God and AA – without them, without you, I’d be finished. You keep me hanging on, one day at a time – for sometimes, that’s all we have.
God bless us all, every one. And so it goes...
COG, 1st Cl.
Posts
awesome site, keep the faith.
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